The Modern Decameron, Book II, rev. ed.
Neifile goes next in The Decameron, Book/Novel 2. She tells the story of Abraham the Jew, a devout adherent of the faith, who, being a friend of Johannot de Chevigny, a fellow merchant, is constantly subject to proselytization–convert now or forever find no peace! Abraham finally says OK, OK, but I’m going to the headquarters, all the way to Rome, to see what your religion is made of. There he finds strange grounds for new belief–he converts to Christianity because its practitioners are whoremongers, pedophiles, mendicants, and morons, yet their empire keeps expanding. Here’s my retelling of that story for our times, as a screenplay, of course. ____ INT. Abraham bent over a church pew, the reverse shot shows his old friend John, another stalwart of the garment trade, pacing in the aisle. The camera rises, we survey the incredible wealth and majesty of this cathedral, and the 2000-year old Church it represents. ABRAHAM: Jesus fucking Christ, wouldja? [the cameras descend into standard shot-reverse shot format at eye level] I’m a Jew, what do you want, a conversion experience? How can I be a Christian, what are you people FOR–except, what, the end of everything? You hope for death, the end of the fucking world, so you can see the large one, the big guy who tortures us because he thinks it’s good for us? This is not a...
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